The Resolution Diaries

BEWARE Bluntness will ensue. Take it or leave it, but don’t judge me for it, you have been warned. (There is a brighter side at the bottom lol)

So I can blurt out the whole “I’m going to make the best of this year and love everyone blah blah” Like 90% of people do when it comes to these resolutions, but let’s face it, who doesn’t want to be happy? Who doesn’t want to make the most of every day? Who doesn’t want to spend more time with family etc. We all do. So come up with a REAL resolution. Here’s mine.

Last year I wrote out some resolutions and posted them: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150110324538343

I managed to do some of those resolutions but not all, One of the biggies that comes to mind is this one:

Last but certainly not least, I want to adopt the younger Maria’s philosophy. I try so hard to make people like me, when I used to not give a flip, fact is, you should just like me because I’m me, and if you don’t screw you, move along.  I’ve grown tired of helping people, doing for people, spending time away from family and true friends to put effort into people who just do not care about me the way I care about them. I’ve grown tired of being bullied, thrown away like yesterdays trash, and of people who do not reciprocate. I’m done, and I’m done caring if I’ve lost you as a friend, crying over it, fretting over it. Fact is, if I’ve lost you, you were not a friend to begin with. I’ve said it a million times, Friendship is a 2 way street, time for people to start coming to MY part of the street.

2011 more than any year I can ever recall was the worst for this. I was surrounded by more drama, more lies, more fake friends etc. than ever before. I’ve been bossed around, bullied and knocked down. It was defiantly a very low point for me. So this year, It’s not so much a resolution as a promise to myself. No more being bullied by people who in all honesty are just threatened by me. No more allowing people to push me around. No more allowing people to tell me what to do, you’re not my parent and rather you think your older and wiser or not, guess what, I’m 40 I make my own decisions. No more allowing people to twist the truth to play to their side, and guess what? if you want to believe a one sides story without giving me enough respect to learn my side, you don’t deserve my friendship or to be in my presence. I’ve never been one to give into drama, I avoid it like the plague, but for some reason the more people who are in my life, and the older I get, I seem to catch myself in the center of it all, trying to make people happy, trying to have others like each other, whatever it may be, and I care so much that it turns around on me and kicks me straight in the you know where. I somehow have gotten to a point in my life where I want to fit in, where I want to be accepted, and not even accepted for who I am, but I’m trying too hard to please everyone. I’ve truly 110% had enough. This is who I am, take it leave it or get lost I’m tired of trying to make people like me, I’ve never been that way before, and don’t want to be any longer. I realize some of this has to do with my confidence and my self esteem, which has never been strong to begin with, but has been knocked down lately by bullies. I’m done.

I was recently reminded by a friend of mine “people may come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime but you learn something from all of them” And I did, time to move forward and take control again.

2011 has had many devastating losses for me. A Loss of organization I dedicated my life too due to one-sided stories and more drama than HS.  The losses of friends and families, Some losses of friends were simply, well, drama filled. It was meant to be. Some losses were due to death. In 2011 we had more people we know pass away than I ever recall in my whole life. Starting on January 1st, up until Christmas day we lost 11 people we knew and loved this year. That does not the count the people we knew who lost a loved one. Many friends of ours lost a parent, grandparent, child, or sibling this year. It was a devastating year.

On the bright side of my world, it has also been one of the best years of my life. I have met, and become friends with some of the most amazing people. I can honestly say that I have raised the bar of people in my life. Out with the drama in with the new. As one drama filled toxic person left my life, somehow, an amazing new friend entered it. I’m blessed. This year I also joined the PO/SD Chamber, Ive learned SO much, I’ve met so many wonderful people, and I’ve attached myself to those I know are the positive influences I need and want in my life both professionally and personally. My business has been taken to new heights, The salsa has truly taken on a life of it’s own, and after speaking to a few people who’s opinions I respect, I will be making some big changes in the new year, (stay tuned!) and refocusing my attention. I have my eye on the prize, watch out world, because I’m going to get it!

Some of you reading this may already know because I’ve asked you to be a part of my brainstorming sessions, but for those of you that do not, one of my big goals (Which will not happen very soon, but in the future after I finish my 1st goal!) is to start my own non-profit. I’ve volunteered and been on the board for many non-profits over the years, and I think it’s time to do things my way. I want this non profit to be current, trendy, and local. I have some amazing support behind me and can’t wait to conquer the non-profit world!

Last but not least  I’m going to love more & love harder, but be choosy about who gets that love. People are going to have to work hard to get into my inner circle, but it’s SO worth being there, because the fact is, I’m an amazing friend and worth the effort.

Like it or leave it, but for what it’s worth that’s my 2012. Happy New Year.

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